Why Mindfulness Matters for Neurodivergent Women (Even When It Feels Hard)
When I was in college, I was first introduced to mindfulness in one of my classes called “stress management” that I was told was an “easy A”. A lot of the stuff that the class was teaching was pretty basic (e.g. get enough sleep, pay attention to diet and exercise, etc.). Clearly these suggestions must be meant for a neurotypical person. The executive functioning required to do these things is often quite elusive for neurodivergent women. As the weeks progressed, we learned more about mindfulness and were introduced to meditation, box breathing, breathwork, and other mindfulness tools.
The way that mindfulness was introduced in the class was something along the lines of “empty your mind and focus on the here and now”. This was next to impossible for me, a neurodivergent and highly anxious person. Even though it was hard, I continued to participate in the exercises and increasingly enjoyed the feelings associated with the various techniques we were trying. I vividly remember noticing a feeling of calm stillness after one of these early exercises. I latched onto mindfulness to help guide me through some of those difficult times in my 20s, before I began going to therapy consistently.
At this point in my life, I have been meditating pretty regularly for 5 years now. I try to do no less than 3 minutes of meditation a day, a scant practice by some standards, but it is one that benefits me in very tangible ways. Mindfulness has been an instrumental part of me processing trauma, strengthening resilience, noticing feelings and emotions that I have not been able to acknowledge. Most importantly, it helps me refocus my thoughts and mind. If you are also neurodivergent, you will understand why that is important.
Even though I have been actively working on mindfulness techniques, the clearing your mind part has been quite difficult. My mind, and those of many of my female neurodivergent clients, is a murky roller coaster of thoughts and fleeting feelings. One day, I saw mindfulness explained as “noticing your thoughts” and it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. Noticing your thoughts might sound like your mind is free from distractions, but many times it is not. It is simply noticing what is happening inside of you and letting the thoughts flow, without judgment or trying to do something about it. This is what fundamentally changed my practice and helped me make the leap into accessing mindfulness techniques when I was overwhelmed, overstimulated, experiencing both physical and emotional pain, and even moments of joy.
I now view mindfulness as a way of loosening your grip on the things swirling around your mind, a willingness to witness and observe patterns, ways of being, and greeting these things with compassion and savoring all the things that life has to offer.
How to get into the habit of meditating:
If, like me, you have good intentions of meditating, but find yourself not getting around to it most days, here are some tips for integrating the practice in a way that sticks.
Stick to a certain time. Even better, try out habit stacking.
Start small: research indicates that just a few minutes a day can improve mental health outcomes. I find that most people are okay with 2-3 minutes in the beginning. If it's more or less than a few minutes, just notice that and adjust accordingly.
Find a comfortable, safe location. Find a place that is free of distractions.
Choose a comfortable position. If that is sitting, laying down, or positioning your body in an intricate yoga pose - go for it! Many of my neurodivergent clients have chronic illnesses, such as Ehlers Danlos, POTS, and ME/CFS, so special consideration should be given to how your body feels and tuning into sensations, and adjusting accordingly.
Use these questions to guide your mindfulness practice:
What feelings and sensations are showing up?
What needs do I have at this moment?
What can I let go of that I don’t need at this moment?
How can I show compassion towards the parts of me that I don’t like that are showing up?
How can I reconnect with myself?
What if I can’t sit still?
If sitting still isn’t possible at this point (hi ADHD’ers!), I recommend mindfully peeling and eating an orange or other piece of fruit/vegetables. Notice the fruit using the five senses.
Notice a song. Preferably something instrumental or acoustic, but if that doesn’t work, try a relaxing song by an unfamiliar singer or band. Notice the melodies, notice your body's reaction to the music, and refocus whenever you find your mind drifting away from the song.
Mindfully walk. I typically recommend a calm place, like a park. Notice the sounds, plants, etc.
Try out guided breathwork exercises. Pairing breath work is a great way to keep the mind focused and works for many of my clients (and myself!). There are great options for this on Youtube and Insight Timer.
Try out a yoga class that emphasizes mindfulness. I recommend restorative, yin, and yoga nidra classes, which will move at a much slower pace than traditional yoga classes.
So yes, mindfulness can be powerful for anyone. But for neurodivergent women, I think it’s something even more specific and tender. Not because we’re bad at it. Not because we just need to try harder. But because when your mind is fast, loud, creative, overstimulated, burned out, or pulled in twelve directions at once, learning how to gently turn toward yourself instead of away from yourself is radical. Mindfulness does not mean emptying your mind or becoming totally serene. It means noticing what is here without piling on shame and choosing, again and again, to take small, committed steps toward the life you actually want. It is self compassion when you forget. It is tuning in when your brain is buzzing. It is building the muscle of psychological flexibility so that even in the chaos, you can access a small pocket of steadiness inside. And over time, that steadiness becomes something you trust, a quiet, reliable place of safety you carry with you.