Goals as a Compass: Creating Therapy Goals That Align With Your Values
Getting Specific About What You Want
January arrives filled with the promise of a fresh start. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Will this be the year I finally commit to a regular exercise routine, or sign up for that watercolor class I've been eyeing? In therapy, goals serve a similar purpose. The most meaningful ones aren’t about becoming a different person or eliminating discomfort. They’re about moving toward a life that reflects your values, even when things are not perfect, or even optimal.
I emphasize goals throughout the treatment process which are not too different from new years resolutions. They give therapy needed structure, moving it past the meandering path that talk therapy can sometimes take.
When I first start asking my clients about their goals for therapy, many of them start by saying, “I want to feel happy,” or, “I want to stop feeling so dysregulated all the time.” My follow-up question is always: how is that going to look and feel for you? My magical fairy wand needs more details. (I'm kidding, of course, but the point is, I need to understand your definition of "happy" and "regulated" to create an appropriate treatment plan.) When goals stay vague or focused only on how we don’t want to feel, therapy can stall. Values-based goals, on the other hand, help us clarify what we want our lives to stand for, not just what we want to escape.
An analogy I often use is: what would "happy" look like if I were a documentary filmmaker, following you around as you were living your “happy” version of your life? As awkward as this example is, the point is to get you thinking about tangible definitions of happiness. Some clients might say it looks like having a loving partner, or maybe it's getting out of that dead-end job you hate. It might even be something simpler, like, "I would see my friends regularly and practice my hobbies," or, "I would spend my weekends hiking."
What Gets in the Way
Once we clarify what matters to us, we often start to see what gets in the way. This is where psychological flexibility becomes essential. Often, the stories or beliefs we hold about ourselves can restrict us, preventing us from living a life that feels rewarding and gratifying.
How Avoidance Keeps Us Stuck
For instance, anxiety can drive people to avoid social situations, such as reaching out to friends or attending gatherings, due to fears of rejection, making a mistake, or feeling awkward. This avoidance behavior fuels a cycle: the neglect of social opportunities leads to feelings of loneliness and disconnection, ultimately contributing to unhappiness. By exploring this cycle, we see clearly how avoidance prevents us from living a more connected and satisfying life.
A Starting Point for Creating Meaningful Goals
I will end this post by discussing some of the strategies that I use when I am helping people create their therapeutic goals. This might be something you do in your own deep work, or your new years resolution(s).
When I help clients create therapeutic goals, we don’t start with outcomes. We start with observation. The questions below are designed to help you identify patterns, values, and barriers so your goals reflect how you actually want to live.
Create a blank word document or notes app and title it “brain dump”
Begin answering and defining the following questions:
What do I spend most of my time doing?
What kind of things would I prefer to spend my time on?
What types of activities make me feel like the best version of myself?
What is my ideal wake up routine? What about bedtime routine?
How can I ensure that I get the rest I need?
What is my ideal daily schedule?
When is my energy usually the highest? The lowest?
What barriers tend to derail my days?
What would I like my self-care to look like? How often would I engage in these activities or habits?
What relationships in my life do I care most about? What could I do to nurture these relationships?
What are some markers that would indicate that I am getting on the right track?
Goals as a Compass, Not a Checklist
From here, therapeutic goals become clearer. Not because life suddenly feels easy, but because you’re orienting yourself toward what matters.